Coffee Stains & Ash Trays
by carved in the sand
Summary: "I'm still trying to cope." - AU/HitsuKarin
1. one

**A/N:** _This plot wouldn't leave me alone. Like, at all. So basically I wrote a whole bunch of chapters and decided to roll with it. This is just a side-story so basically drabbly-chapters. The basic theme that keeps coming up is addiction - which does get pretty dark? But not enough to up the rating. Never the less, this is a sort of warning (like I'm a good enough writer to do anything tragic and dark). Also: I know only the vaguest things about medical school from my cousin crying over her residency. Lots of me just messing around. Enjoy!_

* * *

Karin closed her hotel room's door behind her gingerly, letting the lock click into place.

She walked down the hallway quietly, attempting to shrug on her winter coat while balancing her scarf and enormous handbag.

So maybe she'd ditched her brother's engagement party downstairs, sneaking out a bottle of champagne with her. Yuzu thought she was going to get shitfaced with a random guy before playing anatomy, and Rukia thought that she'd seen her ex downstairs and was trying her best to avoid the bastard.

Both were slightly true - she was tipsy she'd spotted her ex-fiance Eiji slow dancing with a girl that looked bored to death with him.

Honestly, it made her a little bit happy, but not enough to try and gloat in his face. She was the one who downgraded from national soccer star to med school student in a matter of seven months - there was still a ways to go before she got gloating rights.

But it was a step up to see him there and wanting to laugh her ass off.

Her term paper on hemophilia was supposed to be turned in by midnight, so she'd brought out her huge leather handbag that Yuzu had given her for her last birthday and stuffed her laptop inside. Honestly, sitting in a fancy hotel room, stuffing her face with the mini bar and drinking expensive champagne was an experience - of course her brother's and father's success had perks. Surprisingly, it was easier to bullshit a ten page essay half drunk.

Karin made it to the end of the hallway and pressed the button to open the elevators, she was more than a bit disheartened. So maybe she'd liked to have been playing anatomy with a guy and a bottle of champagne. But her life wasn't that fun anymore.

The doors opened after a while, and she stepped in, stilettos clicking as they made their way from carpet to marble. They were almost fully closed when a hand slipped between the space between them, a person entered.

Karin watched him him a cocked brow, taking in the tailored suit that _had_ to be more than a thousand dollars, stark white hair that stuck out in a mess around his head, trailing just over his bright teal eyes. Sharp brows, high cheekbones, hardened jaw that held a lit cigarette between his teeth.

He found her stare, and she shook her head.

"What?" he asked, frowning.

"Can't smoke in here."

"That's not what the front lobby said."

Well that lie hadn't gone too well. What the fuck kind of hotel allowed people to smoke in elevators? Karin rolled her eyes, curling her lip in a sneer. "Second hand smoke doesn't go with this dress. Or adenocarincoma," she drawled. "Put it out."

He rolled his eyes, taking a long drag before blowing out a thick cloud of smoke. "Oh, wow, you know big words. Should I clap for you? Or maybe I should just run along with my lung cancer?" he answered back condescendingly.

Karin blinked owlishly. Did he just make a pass at her intelligence?

"Who the do you think you are?" she snapped. "Have the goddamned common courtesy to un-light that thing before stepping in here so that I don't cough to death for your lack of grace."

He gave her a tired, dull stare, as if he didn't really care, and took another drag.

Karin scowled, snatching the cigarette from his grasp and tossing it onto the floor, and stepping on it, and twisting her shoe into it.

Big mistake.

The sharp, screaming of her muscles protested the muscles, and she hissed, loosing her balance on her heels and she tipped sideways-

Only to be caught by lanky arms, supporting her back onto her feet.

"Are you okay?" he asked, suddenly concerned.

Karin didn't look him in the eye, taking a deep breath and letting the ache in her knee subside as she focused on his black tie. He smelled like fresh smoke and expensive cologne, making her head dizzy for dangerous reasons. "I'm fine," she muttered through grit teeth. She heard the elevator doors ring and slide open. "It's nothing."

She slipped from his grasp and out through the opened doors of the opened elevator doors, muttering curses and ignoring the painful throbbing in her knee.


	2. two

It was a shame she was trying to sober herself up already.

The coffee shop was warm and cozy and small and two blocks away from the hotel where the engagement party was held, so she got her coat, slipped out the back to avoid the paparazzi - who would even stay outside in twenty degree weather - and made her way here.

After ordering a tall black coffee, she sat down in a booth that was fixated next to a window, watching snow begin to fall as she played with the hem of her cocktail dress.

She could close her eyes and think about the cracking, the tearing that she felt, pain spreading through her body like wildfire. She could think about all the shots she could have taken, all the miles she could have ran in the past three years. She could think of all the time she'd spent in her hospital bed feeling sorry for herself.

Karin took another swig of her drink, letting it scald her throat, warm her insides.

This place stayed open late. Maybe she'd stay a while.

She'd managed to finish while playing with Japan's national soccer team, and met her Moriyama Eiji at a party - handsome, charming, witty, everything she'd wanted in a guy. They dated for a year, and he'd proposed, and she was happy, and she was madly in love, and everything was perfect. And she was more naive than anything. Regardless, by the time she'd had the accident that ended any chance of her continuing her sports career, he was already walking out of her life with another girl to lie to.

He'd become a very sad, very painful part of her past.

Of course, it took longer to get to where she was, and a hell of a lot more mistakes, but she was here. She couldn't go two hours without some type of caffeine, she hadn't a good night's sleep in months, her hair was in a constant state of messy buns unless it was done up for some stupid event for her brother, and medical school was driving her insane.

But it was a hell of a step up from swallowing pain killers like candy to keep that frightening indifference to everything running through her veins- this she knew.

Tiredly, Karin slipped her laptop out of her bag and opened it up, focusing on another assignment to be done.

Hell, maybe him and the white-haired bastard would be struck by lightning by morning.


	3. three

"Toshiro, it's_ two in the morning__."_

"I know, I know. I got locked out."

"Fine. I'll be there in a little bit."

"Thanks, Hinamori."

He hung up, stuffing his phone back into his pocket and the burning cigarette between his teeth. Hitsugaya Toshiro sat just outside his apartment door with a champagne-stained suit, a nasty scowl, and an unlit cigarette sticking between his teeth like it was doing something for him.

Honestly, it just wasn't his night.

And he _really_ needed a lighter.

All he wanted to do was go to the goddamned engagement party that Kuchiki was hosting with her fiance, congratulate her, talk with a few producers, and get the hell out of there.

But then his old girlfriend predictably wanted to talk to him, so she'd booked a room for them, thinking that he'd be staying the night. And then they fought. And then she cried. And he walked out of there the angriest person alive, into that godforsaken elevator with that _banshee_.

He was already beginning to run his hands through his hair.

Maybe if he'd let her fall he'd probably still have his keys and lighter inside his pocket, but he was too busy trying to chase after her and see if she'd have another kind of fainting episode. It wasn't like he was an ass on a constant basis, he just- god, he was pissed and needed to smoke.

So maybe the shittiest part of the night was his current lack of nicotine.

It's not addiction was anything new to him.

He was a kid when he started out in the industry, his new found acting career at sixteen years pushed him into a lot of parties with an array of alcohol. By the time he'd turned twenty, the casual drinking had escalated and he was a full-time alcoholic, with nothing but the strings of his fame and fortune and everything that he had to lose holding him together as he hid his hangovers during morning shoots and getting drunk before interviews and premieres.

He'd cracked when he'd gotten into an accident driving, almost driving his fucking car into a building. Bought three packs of cigarettes, and every time he had the urge to have a drink, lit one of them up, and eventually the coughing stopped. The nicotine claimed him as the smoke made his lungs into a ashen home to settle into.

Girlfriends called it sexy, the media edgy, and his manager a new look.

The foot tapping and the messy hair, the insomnia and utter dependence wasn't sexy, though. Neither was the shortest withdrawals. It was a blessing that his penthouse suite only let him on the top floor. He was a goddamned mess and he knew it.

But it was a hell of a step up from filling empty water bottles with vodka - this he knew as well.

So he left the cigarette in his mouth, squeezing his eyes shut on the floor next to his door, and tried to think about the spare lighter that sat in his desk's left drawer, next to his favorite pen and highlighter.


	4. four

There's nothing beautiful about Karin in the morning.

She'd attest it to the fact that there was always somewhere to be, and she was usually rushing to get there ontime. Karin was approximately ten minutes late to everything - every gala, every date, every campus event, and sometimes even classes, which was a nasty habit she'd quit since she'd be wasting tuition money if the professor wouldn't even let her into class.

So that's why she's usually running around her apartment, trying to shower while brushing her teeth, or put on a pair of socks while stuffing down breakfast.

This morning, it was brewing her to-go cup of coffee while dabbing on eye concealer. She didn't even get shit faced enough to forget last night. She just simply didn't go to sleep, which was usually what happened in the first place. Concealer and foundation was the make up that she'd learned to apply flawlessly from all the practice she'd gotten with it.

Really, being late was an art of her's - especially the excuses to get out of trouble.

Those required quick wit and pleading eyes that she'd picked up from Yuzu.

She'd tossed her too-fat text books into her black Audi, and by the time she started her car, she was out of the apartment complex's parking lot within seconds, at the university within minutes.

By the time class was about to start, Karin was slipping into the classroom as the professor was still out in the hall, speaking with another teacher she didn't recognize. She walked up through the high-rise seats and dropped down next to her long time study partner and self-proclaimed best friend.

As the teacher began to ramble on, the pale blonde, black-eyed Ito Asahi slid his phone discreetly into Karin's elbow as she began to take out her laptop. "You suck as a friend," he murmured, furrowing his brows in mock frustration. "Why the hell don't you ever tell me when you're in relationships with my favorite actors? What kind of friend are you?"

Karin frowned curiously, staring down at the phone's screen. It was an entertainment magazine's website that had her face and the white haired bastard's face plastered in a too-big picture.

With his arms around her.

As she looked into his eyes.

The dark haired girl's breath caught as she read onwards into the article.

_Last night was the awaited engagement party of Kurosaki Ichigo and Kuchiki Rukia, although they weren't quite the night's highlight. Ichigo's sister, Kurosaki Karin, former national soccer player and ex-fiance of Moriyama Eiji, was found rendezvousing with Hitsugaya Toshiro last night at the Capitol Hotel as they left the elevator. Wearing a violet cocktail dress..._

She was furiously shaking her head before she even got to the second sentence.

"No! No, that is _not_ true!" she whisper shouted, looking at her friend with pleading eyes. How had she not known that was Hitsugaya Toshiro? The bastard was in every box office hit she could name over the years, even if he always was dyeing his hair for different roles.

Oh, no. This wasn't good.

He shrugged unsympathetically, leading her gaze away with his eyes as he stared off into his class mates. "Tell that to everyone else."

Karin looked around the room clearly for the first time, and saw more than a few eyes trailing over to the two of them, which she sent away with a heated scowl.

"Kill me," she groaned quietly.

"You look like you got shitfaced last night."

"Only, slightly. Unfortunately."

"I was talking about your outfit. And I'll be taking you out for breakfast today."

Karin looked down at her leather ankle boots, black leggings, and burgundy sweater that engulfed her thin shoulders and fell down to her thighs. "What?"

"You always wear leggings the day after you get shitfaced." Asahi grinned at her knowingly.

"I didn't even-"

"Kurosaki. Ito." Their two heads snapped up, looking into the dark and irritated eyes of their professor. "Would you like to continue your urgent love confession outside, or do you wish to share with the class so we can all move on with our lives?"

Karin nearly opened her mouth to snap back, but Asahi cut in before she could say anything. "Unfortunately, I was just letting her down easy. We'll stay quiet now, professor. And Karin-chan will try to keep her sobs less pronounced."

She didn't even have the energy to punch the idiot when the professor looked away and the class began to chuckle quietly.

This wasn't her fucking _day_.


	5. five

"Pick a station already."

"This is a delicate process. Don't rush me."

Karin rolled, her eyes, continuing to drive along the near-empty roads. Late Monday mornings were the best times to catch a late breakfast after classes. Asahi sat in the passenger seat, leaned back, with one hand continually sliding through his phone, and the other trying to find them something to listen to.

She'd met him when she first enrolled into college, which was probably the worst part of her life - he was a generally happy person who usually wore cargo shorts and leather sandals whenever it was hotter than seventy degrees. Square face, chiseled features, and inky black eyes that were constantly overshadowed by his brightly colored hair styles, Ito Asahi was...something else.

He grew up on the beach, ditched his easy going life of high school and good friend and perpetually beautiful view to attend Tokyo's most prestigious medical school. But, he wasn't a snob or a prick like half of their student body tended to be. It didn't hurt that he was a genius too - he could memorize the thickest books, dozens of words in one study session, and was brilliant in lab environments.

Karin found him easy to be with because he didn't pry into her life, because of her past pro-soccer career and having a famous actor as a brother. He was honest and real and beautifully careless about everything and everyone.

Usually their conversations turned to either his horrid new hair color, or her being able to drink her own body weight in caffeinated drinks.

"Found it!" Asahi chirped. Karin sighed as she began to parallel park into an open space near her favorite diner.

"Perfect timing," she commended sarcastically. "_And_ it's ending."

He groaned, running a hand through his pale blond locks and groaned. "Shut up. I tried."

"Your slow ass," Karin muttered, sliding her keys out of the ignition and stuffing them into her pocket. "Let's go. I want pancakes and Red Bull."

He elicited another groan. "You're so gross."

"And you're _colorful_."

They walked into the diner still bickering, but dropping their tones amid the quiet, flowing conversation that bounced between the customers. They picked a booth seat in the back, slipping off their backpacks and picking up menus. Karin glanced through the list of different foods, wondering what kind of pancakes she wanted, when her eyes trailing over the menu and past Asahi's shoulder.

A person, with a shock of white hair sitting on their head, sat at the counter, pulling out a pack of Marlboros.

Narrowing her eyes, Karin placed her menu onto the table and muttered going to the bathroom, before stalking towards the man.

Karin slipped into the stool next to him, leaning an arm back onto the bar and staring blankly as he sighed and shoved his lighter back into his pocket. He wore a black military trench coat over a white button down and gray jeans, with sunglasses propped over his head.

"Miss me yet?" she prompted.

"Like a hangover," he answered dully, cigarette still hanging on his lips as he spoke. She questioned what kind of practice he had to keep his words from slurring. "I should I have known you were Kurosaki's little sister. You're both just as irritating."

"Well now that we actually know each other's names, it'll make our sudden relationship much more believable," she lamented in her most mocking tone. "Really, you're such a catch. Poisoning innocent hoardes of people wherever you go. I should have known you were you, even with the freaky hair. Everyone knows you were such a diva."

"The only catch here is you. Really, for an international soccer star, you're missing a lot of muscle tone and balance." He ran a hand through his hair angrily, stiff and irritated. Karin unconsciously bit her lip - she _hated_ when anyone mentioned he past career. Or her new found lack of muscle tone.

A waitress saddled up beside them, placing a plate of fries and steak in front of Toshiro, smiling before leaving the two of them again. The white haired man shoved his cigarette in his coat pocket and picked up his fork and knife tiredly. "I'm not even surprised they got that picture. I haven't been in the country for a year, and three days after I'm all over the news. And how is Moriyama taking all of this?"

"I dumped Eiji _months_ ago, and I'm in medical school now," Karin quipped, straining to keep nonchalant. God, she hated explaining this shit. "Either way, let's just avoid each other until it all blows over and people stop taking pictures of me during class."

"Agreed."

Karin nodded lamely, looking towards her booth where Asahi sat, eating happily without her. She could see the plate of what looked like blueberry pancakes and a can of red bull at her seat that he'd ordered for her. "If you would excuse me, I have a breakfast to get to."

And with that, she slipped off of the stool and walked back to her seat.

She wasn't quite sure whether she imagined his eyes lingering on her back.


	6. six

"Why didn't you _tell_ me that you were dating Hitsugaya-san?"

"I am not dating that piece of shit."

"Then why were you in that elevator-"

"I tripped! And he _caught_ me!"

"Karin, if you were going upstairs to see him, you can just-"

She groaned loudly, cutting off her sister in the middle of her sentence as she sat on the floor of her kitchen, rifling through her fridge for something slightly nutritious to eat for dinner. She was a minute away from taking out the cookies next to the boxes of cereal and making hot chocolate.

"Look, Yuzu. I swear to god I'm not with Toshiro," she snapped, scrambling onto her feet. "I just met him in that goddamned elevator. I _tripped_."

"You swear?" The doubt in her voice made Karin's blood burn.

"I swear!" she snapped.

"Okay, then. Oh, I'm still working. My shift's gonna be over in half an hour. Do you mind if I come over?" Karin could hear the loud Italian shouting in the background with a half-grin pulling at her lips as Yuzu called out something back in the same tongue, the syllables rolling off succinct and bossy.

"Sure. Bring something to eat?"

"Gotcha."

An hour later, after the hugging and lots of talking ("When was the last time you slept?" "When was the last time you didn't smell like garlic?") Karin sat with her legs propped onto her coffee table with Yuzu curled up with an old blanket with the remote, flipping through channels half-heartedly. There were two take out boxes of steak and seasoned fries that had yet to be touched in their laps.

"How's school?"

"Tedious as hell. How's the boyfriend?"

"Still in Korea."

"Thank god."

"Karin-chan!"

The dark haired girl grinned at her sister's reprimand, reaching up to her hair to tie it into a messy bun with the scrunchie hanging on her wrist. "Jinta will forever be the nasty looking gremlin he was when he were kids. Puberty and a modeling career changed nothing," Karin said.

"Stop being rue," Yuzu said, pinching her sister's arm. "Are you coming to Ishida-kun's birthday on Friday?"

"It's this Friday?" Karin replied with a heavy drawl, cutting eyes at her sister just over her shoulder. "I don't know. I might trip and fall into his arms and everyone would think we're together. And then Orihime would _snap my fucking neck_."

Yuzu landed on a channel, showing the picture of a stumbling Karin in Toshiro's grasp with a woman sporting a blue cocktail dress standing beside it, speaking in an irritatingly friendly manner. Karin groaned, reaching out to snatch the remote from her sister's hand, but she merely held it out of her grasp.

"Give it!"

"No! I wanna see it!"

"-_seen together at the Capitol Hotel during Kurosaki Ichigo and Kuchiki Rukia's engagement celebratio_n-"

"What's your _deal_, Yuzu?"

Yuzu giggled, keeping the remote leisurely out of her sister's grasp. "I'll change the channel if you say you'll go to Ishida-kun's party. Ururu and Chad and everyone will be there. It'll be fun. And you really need fun."

Karin groaned, ceasing her attack on her sister. "Did I not explain the health hazard? And I don't even have anything to wear."

"I'll take you shopping, then," she said happily. This was a hole she wasn't going to be digging herself out of.

"Fine," Karin relented.


	7. seven

Karin was in the middle of talking with Jinta, Ururu, and Yuzu in the living room with everyone, a can of orange soda in one hand and a middle finger aimed at Jinta in the other when he'd called.

Even before Karin walked in to a warm room filled with too many old friends and laughter, she'd felt more like herself than she had in a while. There was lots of hugging and an array of smiling faces she hadn't seen in a while - Uryuu, Chad, Grimmjow, Renji, Orihime - and suffocating hugs that only Matsumoto could give her.

It was like a huge, weird family reunion. She even greeted Jinta with a huge grin. _God_, it had been months since she'd felt this comfortable in her own skin. Amid the talking and the laughter that lulled them all into contentment, her phone went off. She'd plucked it out of her clutch and went pale when she saw the number.

Of _course_ she'd remember the number. Of _course_ it was him.

That's what led her into the Ishida home's kitchen at three in the morning, sitting on the island counter top with her phone pressed into her ear, staring at her stocking-covered feet that suddenly seemed too small to hold her up.

"I'm surprised you picked up," Eiji said with a wry laugh that sounded closer to a cough. Karin closed her eyes as she spoke, remembering his lips pressed into the shell of he ear, whispering to her impossible thoughts. "I just- I miss you. I miss you, Karin. Everything's been hell without you."

She opened her eyes again, staring blankly at the kitchen walls. Her fingers anxiously clenched at the hem of her knit skirt. "Why did you even bother calling me?"

"Karin, listen to me."

"Why don't you listen to me for once?"

She took in a deep, shaky breath, her voice turning into a bitter hiss that sounded more emotional than she wanted. "You don't know what hell is. Hell is being trapped inside your own body and _constant_ pain. I was in hell. And you ditched me without a second thought," she breathed out, shaking with rage. Her eyes slid closed of her own accord. "Don't just fucking conveniently _forget_ that."

"I'm _sorry._"

"So am I."

And with that, she ended the call, stuffing her phone back into her clutch, her fingers shaking and bone-white as they gripped the tiny purse. It took her a long time to realize she wouldn't be getting her heart rate down any time soon.

Karin slipped down from the island counter and walked through the halls with slow, measured steps, that jarred her from the pressure that was curling inside her chest. She felt as if she'd burst, like every passing step made her feel more delirious than before. Why did she always end up feeling so out of _control_?

By the time she reached the bathroom, she was damn near panting, with a migrane pulsing behind her skull. It was white and beige and wholly pristine, reminding her too much of her old hospital room. The comparison had her biting the inside of her cheek viciously. The scarred ridges of the skin there breaking open easily for her.

The mirror above the sink was shiny and pretty, sticking out from the wall familiarly, mockingly.

She knew a medicine cabinet when she saw one.


	8. eight

The door creaked opened, jarring her back into her senses.

"Have you ever heard of _knocking_?" Karin spat as the door opened.

"Oh, sorry Karin-chan!"

The cheery, bright voice instantly deflates the raven-haired girl's fury out of sheer guilt and the inherent inability to be angry at this woman.

"No," Karin breathes out, as if winded. Orihime stands at the doorway in beautiful peach cocktail dress that made Karin's black knit skirt, tights and denim shirt look incredibly under dressed. Her hand clasped the doorknob gingerly and a concerned expression pulling at her eyebrows. "My bad. I should have locked it in the first place. I got sort of...distracted in here."

"Oh, sweetie. You don't look so good." Her lip puckered knowingly as she met Karin's shaken gaze. "Is it Eiji?"

Maybe she should have been thankful for the concern, and maybe she should have been making some kind of sarcastic crack at her forgetting to lock the goddamned door, and maybe she should be asking about about Uryuu. But right then, she couldn't even bother with making herself look less skittish.

Brimming with panic that was boiling hot behind her face and very, incredibly nervous, Karin needed to _leave_. There was no fight in the adrenaline rushing through her veins. "Sort of. I'm okay. Seriously," she pleaded.

Of course, Karin couldn't leave without at least a few more questions, an embrace, and a compliment on her shoes. And with that, Karin was walking back down the hallway with her heart thundering an uneven, jagged rhythm behind her chest.

She felt terrifyingly vulnerable and exposed. What if Orihime caught her rifling through her medicine cabinet, or trying to pop open a bottle? The very thought made her stomach twist violently and her skin burn in fear as she attempted to steady herself, taking in deep breaths and reaching out her fingers against the walls.

"So fucking pathetic," Karin muttered under her breath. "Where's my _control_?"

Her legs slowed until she found herself in the kitchen once more, making her way over to the island where she'd hastily left her purse. She clicked it on, seeing two more missed calls, and staring at the screen for a good minute until she shut it off.

Tomorrow morning she'd look up how to block numbers, and then drag Asahi to get pancakes with her. Tomorrow morning she'd study for the rest of her midterms and be strong and be resilient be _herself_. But right now, she just wanted caffeine and sugar.

"Hey."

She damn near jumped, whirling around on her bad knee that made her flinch in pain, something that did not go by her observer. Karin scowled when she met his green eyes. "You startled me, damn it," she snapped. "What do you want?"

Hitsugaya stood at the entrance to the kitchen looking about as reluctant and moody as her. "Your sister left with Jinta and she asked if I could take you home instead."

Karin sighed. "Horny bastards."

"I don't need a mental image," he replied smoothly, giving her a sharp stare. She almost smiled. "She told me to take you home."

The dark haired girl almost did smile this time. "Fucking wonderful," she murmured to herself dully, not even bothering to meet his perplexed stare as she reached behind her on the counter and grabbed her purse. Her nerves were split and her skin tingled with a need she did not want to satisfy. "Well, come on. I'm tired as hell."

Karin walked out of the kitchen, passing him and waving him behind her. "And you're taking me to get breakfast, too."

She heard his footsteps behind her, rhythmic and almost soothing.

_'Control. Right here,'_ she thought to herself, with a harsh bite to the inside of her cheek. The skin broke, and she tasted blood. _'I don't need anything to take it away. I have it right here.'_

She hoped to God he couldn't see her hands shake.

* * *

**A/N:** _School started. Four AP classes & my third year of French. Basically, I'm withering away (I've never felt more exhausted in my freaking life). Chapters will be up slowly, but they will be up. Incalescent will be taking longer, though. Stick with me though. You reviews keep me off of my floor, drooling and asleep._


	9. nine

The next day, Toshiro managed to get through a photo shoot, magazine interview, and two interviews without ripping his hair out.

He was on the set of a final interview with less half a pack of cigarettes left, burning through them in a stressful rage.

Toshiro longed for Qingdao - the beach town they'd shot the second half of the movie in. He'd never been more relaxed and well-rested in years. The days were long and the nights were warm.

He also found himself thinking too much about _her_.

Hitsugaya sat in front of the vanity, not bothering a look at the mirror in front of him. The bags under his eyes were nonexistent now, and he was looked tanner than he remembered, but he grew tired of looking at himself under the too-bright lights. A lit cigarette hung from his lips, puffing the smoke leisurely. He was done up in a charcoal gray suit, black button up, sans tie - thankfully.

Staff members were sprinting around backstage to check lighting and shout at each other, giving him a grand view of the chaos through the reflection in the oversized vanity as he smoked. He saw more than a view dirty looks passed his way, but he couldn't care less. He was inclined to close his eyes and sit back, but every time he did, he'd see her face.

Karin sat in his passenger seat like she owned it - boots kicked off, legs crossed, fiddling with the radio, cranking up the heater, and then ordering him to buy her pancakes. It would have been funnier if she hadn't insulted his intelligence every other second. He didn't think he'd insulted someone more in the span of an hour since he and her brother had been in high school.

And he enjoyed it too much. And he _hated_ it.

He couldn't even understand it. She was too harsh and blunt and angry to be beautiful. She looked at him like a particularly intriguing toy to play with more often than not.

Hitsugaya blew smoke through his nose as he glared at the mirror through the florescent lights.

Yet her hands shook as they were leaving the party, bidding the Ishidas, her brother, Kuchiki, and everyone else goodnight. It wasn't nervousness. It couldn't have been nervousness. There was nothing in the world he could do to make that girl nervous and the knowledge of it settled deeply into his bones.

"Hitsugaya-san?"

Toshiro looked up calmly to the young woman with brown hair falling into her face and a clip board attached to her side. "You're on in two minutes. Head to stage right, please."

The stage manager stalked off, and left him sitting in his chair, putting out his cigarette in the ash tray that sat neatly on the vanity table.

He reflected back to the stare she'd given him before entering his car - unhinged and painfully raw, like she was just waiting for something to swallow her whole. Maybe it was a bit of weakness, but he couldn't understand why.

The white haired man offered the mirror one last stare under the bright lights, running a hand through his hair.

Maybe he just wanted to see where that look had come from.

* * *

**A/N:** _Fuck this website and editing ugh. So. Hitsugaya's way more observant than anyone wants to give him credit for and is experienced enough in the art of pretending to have your shit together to see through anyone's act. I really love writing this ok so much. Review & tell me what you think!_


	10. ten

"Just fucking tell me."

"There's nothing to tell."

"I'm your best friend, damn it. I have a right to know these things."

"Technically, Yuzu is my best friend."

"Sisters don't _count!_"

"They always count, you dick," Karin snapped, picking up one of her pens and tossing them at Asahi's head, which he dodged neatly. Her aim with her hands hadn't always been the best, but she tried. "And besides, if I was dating anyone, wouldn't we be going on a date or something right about now to celebrate me passing midterms?"

"Not really. You don't like celebrating," Asahi said. "Or people, very much."

"I resent that."

"I resent you not telling me you're fucking Hitsugaya Toshiro."

"Hitsugaya Toshiro wishes I was fucking him, for you information," she said with a smirk that did not go unnoticed. "But he's short, and his hair is freaky. No wonder he dyes it all the time for movies."

"You still think he's hot anyways. Besides, I kind of like it the way it is. Unique, you know? I might go white in a couple of weeks," the blonde said, ruffling through his messy, bleached locks that fell into his forehead. "It just looks more natural and realistic that way. His face is pretty well known in the first place."

"I was half drunk and sleep deprived, alright?" Karin ran a hand over her face, flipping through a page in her text book. Her kitchen table where they sat was laden with a box of doughnuts, several medical textbooks, binders, their laptops, and a large pot of coffee with milk, sugar, and large mugs. A package of Red Bull lay near Karin's seat, half drunken through. It was a lazy Saturday morning, basically. "I'm trying to be an orthopedic, not a crazed fan girl. I don't think he'd like me to attack him in that elevator for a lock of his hair anyways."

"You're always half drunk and sleep deprived, dumbass." Asahi took another doughnut from the large box to his left. "That's not changing any time soon. But maybe you should see this through. You have been single for a while."

"And I'd like to keep it that way, thank you," the dark haired girl snapped. "I need to focus on school."

"Just like you needed to focus on your career. Now look where you are. Life changes and not every hot guy that walks into your life is going to totally change it." Karin glared at him. That was a low blow and he fucking knew it.

"Don't throw Eiji in my goddamn face whenever I get interested in a guy, okay? I know that fucking well. I don't like getting my hopes up."

"So you _are_ interested in him," Asahi said coyly.

"You manipulative _cunt_."

"I'll take that as a yes."

Karin groaned, rolling her eyes and taking another swig of her large, black "Bitch" mug. She deserved that one. She really did. "Okay, fine. He's attractive. And he's also an international movie star that I have a ten percent chance of him being interested in _me_."

Asahi scoffed. "And you're a former international soccer star who _still_ signs autographs and gets fan mail. You're whole family is practically royalty, anyways. Don't make him any better than he really is."

"Are you kidding me? My family isn't like normal famous people. He has a stick up his ass constantly, and looks down on other people because he thinks he's better. Ichigo would never do that, and neither did my Mom. He probably only said a word to me because of my last name," Karin said with a shrug. "I wouldn't be surprised."

"You think really lowly of him, then." His lips pursed in a frown.

"I don't think it's gonna change, either."

"But he drove you home personally, right? And he drove himself, instead of having, like, a chauffeur or an assistant do it for him. He even took you out to breakfast and I'm ten thousand percent sure you demanded as rudely as possible," Asahi said, rambling words fitting together as he closed his text book and leaned back into his chair. "Come _on_, Karin."

"Come on, what? So he's done a few nice things. That doesn't stand for much," she snapped. She does not want to think about that night ever again. So vulnerable and so close in that small, warm car made her head spin in fear. She worried of him looking too closely and seeing through her facade. How crazy did he think she was now? "My sister told him to take me home anyway, and Yuzu could get the prime minister to walk around naked in public if she smiled enough."

"That's scarily accurate," he murmured. "She's so sweet though. How can you say no to her?"

"It takes years of practice that you and Toshiro don't have."

"So now we're going by first names."

"Why are you so obsessed-" the doorbell rang, interrupting Karin's complaining. "I'm coming!" she shouted. She stood from her seat, grabbed a doughnut, and walked out of the kitchen and into the living room door, half-ready to yell at her sister.

He stood in a suit and long, black trench coat, with the cigarette hanging from his lips and a pair of expensive-looking sunglasses and a tired scowl. She bit the inside of her cheek. Her sweatpants and topknot made her feet extraordinarily under dressed in front of him, but she was scared to truly thing about it.

He held up her black phone to her face, and she immediately brightened. "You left this in my car."

"Oh my god. I thought I left this at Ishida's," she said, taking it out of his hand hastily and pressing the button to shut it on. She looked at him with reluctant gratefulness. "Thanks. I had the picture of this year's final on here."

Hitsugaya quirked a brow at her. "You cheat?"

"Sort of. I use the questions to help study. It probably still counts though," she explained. "Besides, you didn't cheat on tests in college?"

"I majored in Theater. Our tests always acting out a role in a play or a soliloquy." Hitsugaya smirked reluctantly. "I'm not as corrupted."

"As if you know a thing about how corrupted I am," Karin replied with an eye roll and no lack of honesty. She didn't really want him to know either. "How the hell did you get up here anyways? You aren't on my visitor's list, and the security is top notch."

He shrugged. "I just asked."

She scowled. "They can't just let you through. You could have been anyone."

"But I'm not anyone, am I?" he asked with a cocked brow.

She rolled her eyes. Of course he wasn't. And he knew it. It brought a frown to her lips. "Yeah. Thanks again," she said.

Before she managed to slam the door closed, Asahi came up behind her and put his arm around her and leaned into her frame. "Hey! Nice to meet you. I'm Karin's best friend. Your role in_ 'Tombstones'_ made it my favorite movie ever and I think that you need to start directing instead of just writing up scripts," he said in a breathless rush and a heavy smile.

Hitsugaya nodded succintly. "Thank you. I've always preferred directing."

"You know, I can tell. You did really good work in-,"

Karin pushed him off of her, and shoved him behind her, giving Hitsugaya a regretful stare. "See you."

And she locked the door shut.

Asahi glared at her. "Are you kidding me right now? I had eye contact with Hitsugaya Toshiro. And I was about to gush about_ 'Flower Beds'_. How dare you," he snapped. "You interrupted _'Flower Beds'_."

"Shut up and get back in the kitchen," she said as breezily as she could manage, running a hand through her messy, oily hair. Disappointment fogged through her insides.

Why wasn't she surprised?

* * *

**A/N:**_ I wrote this in one twenty minute sitting. Holy. Shit. Also, the first chapter that reached a thousand words (I swear I'm trying to keep them short I swear). Hitsugaya, you dickface. Your arrogance isn't cute. It's just the rest of you that is. This shit is so fun I can't even deal anymore you guys. I promise it won't stay that way though. This is supposed to be dark and gritty, remember? Ha. Haha._

_I'd like to thank scottie994 & Adobo-chan for their reviews. They keep me so up beat and motivated (SORRY I SUCK AT REPLYING TO THEM BUT I GENERALLY SUCK AT MOST THINGS). And thank you **all** for the support. It means the world to me. _


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